


A Touch Like Sunshine

by thathyperloudfangirlchick



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: F/M, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide, implied original character death, mentions of abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-06
Updated: 2015-09-06
Packaged: 2018-04-19 08:41:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,197
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4740020
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thathyperloudfangirlchick/pseuds/thathyperloudfangirlchick
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Inspired by this prompt:<br/>"Person A has had a hard life and is planning suicide. They decide to jump off a bridge at dawn so that the last thing they see can be the only thing they deem beautiful. Just before they got on the ledge, Person B walks by asking if they came to watch the sunrise. Person A, not wanting to be stopped by this stranger, says yes, and decides to wait for them to leave. Instead, the two start to get along and go out for breakfast. Over the next few years, Person A starts to get their life back together, and them and Person B become friends-turned-couple, and are happy together. One night a year or two into their romantic relationship, Person A finally reveal what they were really going to do the morning they met. What Person B’s reaction is is up to you."</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

          “ _When faced with tragedy, we come alive or come undone, so don’t hold back… Let it shape you like ocean. Even the deepest scars in time will fade…_ ” you sing, swinging your feet. Even singing softly, your voice carried like a gossamer wind through the dark blue light before dawn. Even with one earphone in, you could almost hear your own tune coming back to you in the sweet, cool wind of the river as you sit on the rail of the bridge overlooking the Potomac. The breeze calmed you, rocking you back and forth between the cold gray cement behind you and the cool, sparkling blue below you, as if the universe was asking you to reconsider the action you came here to make. You smile, feeling a peace in your chest that you haven't felt in a long time as you lean forward, almost toppling into the watery refuge below. 'Not yet' you think, hooking your feet in the pattern of the stone. 'Sunrise. One last sunrise before I do it.'

          "Excuse me, miss, did you come here to watch the sunrise too?" You startle at this, tugging out your earphones and whipping around to look behind you to find the voice that dare disturb your reverie. A tall, handsome man is leaning nonchalantly on the railing next to you. His dark hair and dark eyes make you blush while he looks at you, unused to direct scrutiny, especially from a man so attractive.

          "Yes, yes, I am, and I hate to be rude, but I'd like to be alone," you say, looking down at your hands. The stranger scratches the back of his head, a sheepish look on his defined face.

          “See, I think that may be a problem,” he says, gesturing behind him. From behind his legs walks a young boy, drowsy but happy as he holds onto his father’s hand and looks at you with a smile. “My son, Jack, has an art project that he would like to record the sunrise for, and this is his favorite spot for looking at the sky. If it’s not too much trouble, we would like to join you.” Slowly, you nod, wide-eyed gaze locked on the sweet, little boy who reminded you so much of the happy little brother you left behind years ago… The happy little brother whom you were informed died in a car accident two days ago, along with his twin sister and mother and father. The brother and sister who were your only solace in an abusive home, the brother and sister you abandoned… they were dead, and yet one of your little angels was here in front of you, rubbing his eyes, sleepily, like the early morning you said goodbye and never came back. You look down again, your watery eyes directed towards the river below you as it calls for you stronger and stronger.

          “Okay. Okay,” you reply, scooting over on the bannister and patting the space next to you. The boy, Jack, steps up next to you, lifting himself up on the cement step, muttering his thanks, and smiles at you. You avoid his gaze, instead keeping your eyes forward on the slowly brightening horizon. It could only be twenty minutes more now, you’re sure of it.

          “So what is your name, miss?” The stranger asks, hoisting the little boy on his shoulders. You purse your lips, unhappy at the precarious position of the boy so close to a ledge, before turning your head the opposite way.

          “... Y/N Y/L/N. Nice to meet you.” The two boys next to you stay quiet in response to your chilly aura, and you take a deep breath, hoping that your aloof manner would drive them away. It doesn’t seem to be working as the tiny one demands to be let down, only to sidle up next to you, his sickeningly happy face near your hand as he grins up at you.

          “My name is Jack Hotchner, and this is my daddy! It’s really nice to meet you Miss Y/N.” Your heart melts at the exuberant grin he gives you before giving him a small smile back.

          “Aaron Hotchner,” he says, holding out his hand. You take it, shaking perfunctorily without taking your eyes away from Jack. You came here to wait for the sunrise, to look at one beautiful thing before the peaceful dark of death, but seeing this happy child in front of you, the same age of your own cherub, you feel you could die right now with some semblance of happiness. But you continue to wait until they leave; you were not so deprived as to commit suicide in front of a young boy, and, selfishly, you would bask in the presence of his happiness for as long as you could, until he would leave, as all people do.

          You put your earphones in and wait, the guitar riffs the only thing loud enough to drown out the volume of your thoughts, your guilt, your anguish. You close your eyes and tilt your head back, imagining the gentle caress of the wind as the dark, encompassing water, allowing yourself to clear your always-tumultuous mind for just one moment. You felt quiet and calm as you inhaled the sweet, misty air until something drips onto your eyelids. You open your eyes and whip your head around, looking at the sky. You must have been zoned out for longer than you thought, because the sky that was a clear, dark blue a few minutes ago was now a dusky purple spotted with dark, heavy rain clouds, the raindrops coming faster. Anxiety races through your veins, your perfect picture of how you would end, ruined. Your imminent breakdown is interrupted by a gentle hand at your elbow, and you stiffen, straightening up, standing on the ledge. Hotchner is standing next to you, his hand outstretched, palm-up.

          “Miss Y/L/N… it’s starting to rain,” he asks gently, his hand coming closer to yours. You only shirk away from it, your feet shuffling across the thin ledge. “If you stay out any longer, you’re sure to catch a cold, and it looks like you walked here. Our car is just over there, and we would like it if you would join us for breakfast.” In your panic, reminding the older man much of a skittish cat, your eyes dart from place to place, from the rapidly darkening sky, to his outstretched hand, to the naive little boy smiling at you while hugging his dad’s hips.

          “And Miss Y/L/N, we’re going to IHOP! I love IHOP, Daddy always lets me get the sugary yummy pancakes and drown them in syrup,” he says, bouncing on the ball of his heels.

          “He’s not actually allowed to use all that syrup, but somehow I turn my back, and it’s already there on his plate,” Aaron jokes, his other hand patting Jack’s head playfully. “But if you were there, he may actually behave, or at least he’d have someone else to unleash his sugar rush upon.” His hand, a large, strong hand, callused from years of gun training, reaches out to you, palm up, once more. “Y/N, would you please join us? The sunrise will be there tomorrow.” At the gentle tone in his voice as he says your name, you look down once more at the murky, dark river below you and take his hand. It’s warm like sunshine to the touch as he helps you up over the railing onto solid ground.

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

          “Y/N, I’m supposed to have work off tomorrow; shall we spend the day together?” Aaron asks, wrapping his arms around your waist as the two of you get ready for bed. He nuzzles your hair, bumping the messy bun gathered on the top of your head. You lean back, your head resting on his chest as he presses a kiss to your temple.

          “That sounds nice… Jack has a playdate tomorrow, but that ends around noon so the rest of the day is free. Natural History Museum perhaps?” Aaron smiles against your skin and pulls at the band in your hair, letting it fall around your shoulders.

          “You know what’s tomorrow is?” he asks, spinning you around and lifting you to sit on top of the dresser. His hands rest on your waist, and yours hold his upper arms, your feet tapping a nervous tattoo against his leg as you foresee the sentence coming. He smiles at you, pushing a strand of your hair behind your ear, and kisses your lips gently. “It’s our anniversary… It’s two years since the day we met.” At this, he leans into you, his lips pressing against your cheek, not being able to see the anxious, tortured expression on your face until you grab his shoulders and gently push him away.

“Yeah… About that…,” you say, your fingers tapping against his skin. “After all this time, I feel like we should talk about that.” You jump down from the dresser and walk over to the bed, sitting and patting the spot next to you. When Aaron sits next to you, matching your seriousness, you turn towards him, resting your bare legs in his lap. He faces you as well, laying a gentle hand on your calf, and you balk slightly, unable to meet his eyes.

          “You remember when we first met? That morning on the bridge?” He nods, his fingertips tracing gentle swirls against your knee. The light contact makes you shiver, and he smiles at you. You close your eyes against his happiness, a happiness you never felt you deserved with the secret you harbored. “I wasn’t on that bridge to watch the sunrise.” You open your eyes and take his hand in both of yours. “I told you a couple of months later about me, about my family, about what happened to them.”

          “And you started going to therapy a couple of weeks later, I remember very well.” You nod at this, pressing his palm against your cheek. His thumb brushes under your eyes, skimming the your lower eyelashes and the tears welling up in the corners.

          “I never told you why I was on that bridge, Aaron,” you sob, your face beginning to fall. “I never told anyone. I was going to jump that morning. I was going to wait for the sunrise and jump, and I was looking forward to it, and then this stupid jerkface scares the crap outta me and stays there with me-” you whimper, covering your face with your trembling hands. “You show up with Jack who looks just like my brother who looks just like my sister, Jack who looks like the angels, the babies I lost, and I couldn’t go. You and he, you reached out to me and held my hand and I couldn’t go,” you yell, clenching your fingers in his long sleeve shirt and looking up at him, red-faced and weeping. “But I couldn’t tell you, I was too ashamed, I wanted to die, I wanted death so bad, and you and Jack saved me, and I could never tell you how pathetic I started, Aaron, I couldn’t.” You collapse into cries as you pull back from him, your back hitting the headboard as you cover your face with your arms, too ashamed to look at the man who pulled you almost singlehandedly from the brink. After a few minutes, your sobs devolve into hiccups and sniffles, and this is when Aaron takes your wrists and gently pulls them away from your face, his thumbs brushing gently against your pulse point.

          “Y/N, sweetheart. I knew.” Your hiccups stop as you look at him, shocked. “Y/N, I’m a profiler for the FBI. I knew what your intentions were the moment I saw you, the moment I saw you sitting on that railing. I knew I couldn’t let you go through with it,” he says, the back of his fingers grazing your cheek tenderly. “You were never pathetic. I never thought you were pathetic. I thought you were suffering from Survivor’s Guilt and sad and so beautiful but never anything less than perfect.” He takes your left hand and brings it to his lips, his kiss like butterfly wings on your knuckles. “In you, I saw pain, the pain of someone who had lost loved ones. I saw someone just like me after I lost Haley, and my heart went out to you. I couldn’t let you go. When you took my hand, I didn’t just save you. We saved each other.”

          He kisses you and wipes away your tears with the sleeve of his shirt. You climb into his lap and whisper your love into the skin of his collarbone, his arms wrapped securely around you. You fall asleep that way, nestled in each other’s embrace, and you almost smile, knowing that the nightmares of the Potomac’s waters would never plague you again. You will never fear or want of drowning again, because, no matter how deep the abyss would take you, you know Aaron will always be there, arms outstretched to keep you afloat.

 

 


End file.
